Frugal Sucks!

OK, let's start with a confession. Our finances are a mess. We have a ton of debt and few assets. We have barely any savings and no retirement to speak of. Fortunately we have income, but very little buffer against trouble or unexpected change because of needing to pay to maintain all this debt. Some of it was because of a very poor choice in housing purchase (money pit!) but a lot more was our own failure to keep a rein on our spending and take advantage of the good times as a hedge against the bad.

So yeah, we could use a good dose of frugality more than anyone. There's just one problem...

I hate being frugal. Frugal sucks. Even the word frugal makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Being frugal has a whole host of unpleasant connotations for me.

To me, frugal means:

• Deprivation -- being frugal means you are deprived of things. You can't have stuff because it costs too much. You can only have the cheapest option even if it's not the nicest or healthiest or easiest.
  
• Missed opportunity -- frugal means you miss out on things you want to do because those things cost too much money. Doing nothing costs nothing. Going places and trying new activities costs money. The only things that are allowed are those that might make money back.
  
• Selfishness -- frugality is all about looking out only for number one, preparing for your own future and letting others fend for themselves. It's more important to take care of yourself than to leave a legacy.
  
• Tedium -- always doing the same thing because it's cheap and what you do. Experimenting costs money because, hey, what if you mess up!? Do what you know and don't rock the boat.
  
• Lack of choices -- you can only do the cheapest thing. Each choice closes off every other choice and you can't even change it. So you'd better always watch the bottom line.
  
• Deferred living -- work and scrimp today so that you can enjoy tomorrow... except tomorrow never seems to come until you're too old to enjoy it.
  
• No room to dream or grow -- dreams cost money. Trying stuff out costs money. Failure costs money. Best to just stick to what you know will bring you money. Risk is bad!
  

I know where these attitudes come from and I know that they aren't necessarily any kind of truth. But these are the lessons I learned. And needless to say, this isn't how I want to live my life. This isn't what I want to pass on to my child.

Spend less than you earn, pay yourself first, avoid debt. I get that. It's good advice. And I know we have to do something. We can't continue the way we have been. But I can't bring myself to be frugal. I want to do the right things, but I keep bumping up against this perception I have of frugality that's all about the negative.

I keep a budget. I know where our money goes and what we owe. The checkbook is balanced. I've educated myself about what to do. I read great blogs like Frugal Dad, Get Rich Slowly, Wise Bread, and The Simple Dollar. I even started contributing to my 401K. But when it comes to curbing spending that specter of horrible frugality rears its head. I can't seem to get past it.

I've been thinking a lot about this. There has to be a way of moving past this block and redefining what it is I want out of life. Because I want freedom and options, not deprivation and delay. And I want to do it in a way that's financially responsible to my family.

I know if I put my mind to it, I can figure it out.