Can You Be Prosperous Alone?

One of the most powerful things I've read this year is this Cracked.com article "7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making you Miserable." Despite the common (x) reasons (something something) blog format, it's engagingly written and covers an important topic. I'd recommend you go read it. Really. I'll wait. In fact, let's both go read it and meet back here in a few minutes...

See, told you it was good.

It was this article that started me wondering -- can you really be prosperous alone?

Now there are a whole lot of people in this world who think they know how other people should live. People who are perfectly willing to tell you that you can't be happy or successful unless you are straight/married/single/sexually liberated/a parent/child free/close to your family/independent/go to X church/an atheist/love your neighbor/hate the enemy -- and so forth. I don't agree that there's only one way to live or one way to be happy. I think that, if you are not actively hurting others with your choices, you can live any way you like.

Yet there's no doubt that we're social animals. We need other people around for emotional and economic health. Even if we don't like them, we still need them. I believe, and research supports, that having a social circle makes people happier. And when it comes to financial success, others are absolutely necessary. Throw three or more people in a group together and, as soon as they get their basic survival needs met, they will create an economy. You live in an economy right now and, good or bad, you end up being a participant. I say being an ACTIVE participant and cultivating relationships is a critical component of prosperity. Here are some particular groups to think about.

Coworkers
One area where I've always excelled is in my career. I'm good at finding and keeping work as well as improving my job lot over time. In my time I've worked in several different roles for a bunch of different employers in a host of varied industries. So I can tell you from experience that getting work is often a matter of who you know (particularly when starting out) but keeping work is ALWAYS a matter of who you know. In any job with a social component (I suppose none of this advice applies if you work in a fire watch tower) the connections you make with the people there are critical to your success. If you just go in and do your thing while avoiding interaction and communication, I don't suspect you'll be there long. Since for most of us our job is a critical contributor to our prosperity, this is a major issue.

So chat with your coworkers. You don't have to be best friends. You don't have to talk about sensitive subjects (politics, religion, etc.). But you really do need create connections to the people you work with. People who bring other people up are more likely to get praise and reward. People who bring other people down are roundly ignored and should be censured. And people who blend in the woodwork will miss out altogether.

Friends
A second critical area (one that I need to work on) is your circle of friends. Not only do good friends contribute to our emotional well-being, they also contribute to our prosperity... just as we do to theirs. When you have people you can lean on in times of trouble (and who, naturally, can lean on you) it makes your life more sustainable. From a great job lead to help moving to emotional support when you need it, our friends help us get through rough times. And as I've suggested, it's the tough times that really put a burden on our ability to get through life. Plus if you need a favor and don't have anyone to ask, you end up paying a stranger to do that favor for you.

If calling friends out as contributing to prosperity seems cold, remember that you contribute to your friends' prosperity as well -- or at least you should. And despite all the well-known benefits, there are many people who have almost zero friends.

How to make friends:

1) find some people
2) be nice to them
3) stay in contact

Although you'll do better with people who you have something in common with, that can be as banal as "they live on our block." I'm actually much better at number 2 (at least I hope my existing friends will think so) than numbers 1 and 3. Naturally you should feel that these people are applying the same steps to you (being nice and staying in touch -- otherwise return to step one and keep looking). And remember: friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.

Family
Another component is your family. This is a tricky one. Your family is made up both of people you choose (like your partner) and people you get stuck with. And, while it'd be awesome if all families were wonderful, we know that's sometimes not the case. Still, people can often rely on family the way they can't rely on a friend. Even if your family is completely adopted later in life, it's nice to have people who you can be totally open with and who will help you in any situation.

A generation or so ago, it seemed that most people lived within an extended family group. But this has changed. Part of it is increased mobility, but another component seems to be some kind of rift that has developed between generations. I don't completely understand this, but I have experienced it -- to my great sadness. Still, I'm happy to say that I have a BRILLIANT immediate family and some wonderful friends-who-have-become-family. I don't know what my life would be without them, but I'm pretty sure it would be a lot harder.

If you have a good family, it's worth keeping in touch and keeping your connections strong.

Associates and Acquaintances
These people don't have a specific stake in your prosperity and you probably don't in theirs, but they are the people you do business or interact with in the course of your daily life. It's a good idea to have pleasant relationships with these people. This group includes merchants you frequently deal with, service professionals that you have an ongoing relationship with, and officials you encounter regularly.

You don't have to make these people into great friends, but you should have a friendly interaction. For example, I'm kind and friendly with the security staff in the building where I work. And I know the maintenance guys at our town home complex by name. I don't have to be nice to these people; I could just ignore them. I choose to take a more active role in connecting with them and therefore when there's a problem, they already know me. This makes dealing with things much easier.

When we can claim a web of connections in the community where we live, it means we can also claim a place in that community. The constant and complex interactions within this community help ensure our prosperity by both direct and indirect means. And all this in addition to the other benefits that these connections confer in terms of happiness and emotional security.