Oh Autumn -- domestic bliss

Commenting in another blog suddenly gave me a big case of guilt about this blog. I'm woefully behind on posting (and only one post short of completing my Keys to Prosperity series!). However as the seasons turned, things got awfully busy. Here's what we've been up to (and how it ties into living the prosperous life):

* The day job! I've been reading a lot lately about how your regular income is a key component of your investment portfolio. BusinessWeek has an article about asset allocation based on your industry and career risk. Over at The Simple Dollar, Trent points to that article but then expands the idea into a more broad-based (and to my mind more useful) direction: viewing your career as an investment. I remember reading a quote from Warren Buffet about how the average person should invest most heavily in their career, it being the best, safest, and most regular source of income you have.

Work's gotten busy, in part because I recently requested a new position with my company. I love it, but there's a learning curve. Still, it's a step in the right direction for my career and a whole lot of fun. So I'm putting in the time to ramp up and get started out right. It's paying off. I'm still keeping a sharp eye on my work/live balance, since this has been an issue in the past, but things are going well.

* The little one. We have a little one who's just started Kindergarten. We're all still adjusting to the different schedule and new responsibilities. She loves school and is still so excited to go each day. At the same time, she's been more demanding in the evenings and weekends and is just a bit clingy. We're giving her the extra attention she needs while setting ground rules about homework (once a week at this point), dinner, and bedtime. The time we invest here brings infinite returns of course.

* The "homestead." Fall's brought a new focus on domesticity and thrifty living. We've been looking at ways to save and not be deprived. For example, we tried Trent's recipe for homemade laundry detergent (it's working great and was fun and easy to make) and also homemade dishwasher soap. Hint, if you have a ice cream shop around, call and ask about their tubs. We got a ton of free creamery tubs -- food grade, sanitized, and a perfect 3-gallon size. Much more convenient than the larger 5-gallon ones.

We bought a bread machine and have made a commitment not to buy bread from the store anymore. Having fresh bread around without having to be around to make it is great (I love making bread by hand, but simply don't have the time). And naturally there's no comparison in terms of cost. The basic recipes are somewhat bland, but we found a recipe for bread machine bread using a sponge that's really quite good. Next, we're going to try bread with a bit of almond meal as well as pizza dough and sweet rolls. It's inexpensive experimentation and none of our errors so far has been inedible.

Homemade gelato, chicken stock, and other wonders. Cooler days make cooking a more appealing prospect. My husband the chef has been making wonders in the kitchen (the second time I ever saw him, he cooked for me and I said "I'm going to marry that man").

* Creative stuff. I have a number of crafty hobbies that I enjoy as well as some art that I struggle with. Now that we're not camping every weekend, I have more urge and incentive to create things. For example, I made the little one some simple skirts for school and tried a new technique for each one. I hemmed some pants for my husband and did some mending. I took up my knitting. All inexpensive (the way I enjoy them) and stimulating. And I got out my sketch book, which is something of a big deal. These thing are good for me and make me feel more creative and productive in all areas of my life.

So that's what I've been doing and it's all doing well.

Real Inflation

In my article on Taste Inflation, I talked about how over time our tastes for the good things in life tend to inflate. But as useful as it is to think about, a more pressing issues for many families (including us) is real the actual, literal inflation that's driving up costs. When I went searching for information on current inflation rates, I found a lot of people claiming that the government's numbers (2-3% a year) were incorrect / fudged / outright lies. Other's take a more moderate attitude and explain it as a combination of perception, time-line, and variation in shopping habits.

I'm not about to weigh in on the "is the government lying to us?" debate, but I will say this: it doesn't matter what governments or pundits say about inflation, what matters are your own monthly expenses and how they rise and fall. I mean, let's be pragmatic, the fact that electronic prices have fallen doesn't help you if you aren't buying electronics. But just about everyone pays for food and fuel, and these are where prices have risen most sharply.

Food and fuel are not only a large chunk of many families monthly budget, they are also some of your more flexible expenses. You can't exactly change your monthly rent or mortgage payment, but you can adjust your eating habits and transportation choices. We've been noticing the pinch lately and have made some changes to how we operate and what we buy.

I already wrote about using coupons for groceries and household items, but now we're doing even more:

• Eating out? No way! We've been eating out a lot less frequently and have been eating cheap when we do. What do I mean by cheap? First, we stick to places where the cost is low. This includes our favorite hamburger joint and a national subway sandwich chain. Second, we get takeout instead of eating in. That eliminates some of the cost (and increases the health factor of the meal) because we have milk / water / juice at home instead of paying for sodas. In fact, the few times we've eaten out recently have been disappointing... perhaps it's a sign.
  
• Grocery store flip. We used to shop primarily at a local healthy foods chain (similar to Whole Foods) and supplement with visits to the regular chain store. Now we've flipped that. We shop first at the chain and then anything else comes from the healthy store (they have the best prices on free-range eggs for example). By shopping at the "regular" store first, we've been saving a ton.
  
• The juice quandary. I was miffed when our favorite brand of bottled OJ (100% natural, not from concentrate) shrunk the bottles, but kept the price the same. I complained and they even sent me some coupons, but this didn't solve the larger problem. 100% juice was non-negotiable, but we needed to cut the cost. So, we turned to frozen concentrated juice. For a tiny fraction of the price of bottled juice, we can get 100% juice drinks in a bunch of flavors, including orange juice. Is it quite as tasty? No. But it's still delicious, healthy, and far from koolaid. My favorite brand of juices run $1.37 for a "can" that mixes into 64 ounces of juice. And there are a ton of combinations. We've been making popsicles with the juice and also use concentrate mixed with generic soda water to make healthy sodas for special occasions.
  
• Organic... not so much. The one change I do regret is that we decided we simply couldn't continue to buy all organic paper products. It was just a huge budget killer. So instead we've been getting the regular stuff... but using more cloth napkins, rags, and towels to offset the resource usage. I've also been collecting the plastic bags I get from the regular grocery and using them when we walk our dog, as opposed to the special doggie bags we were buying.
• And speaking of the dog... We've always fed our dog a national brand of quality dog food, but after the pet food recalls two years ago (has it been that long already?) we switched to a premium "gourmet" brand. We felt strongly that if we couldn't be confident of the quality of his food, just like ours, we shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place. So, we splurged. But prices have been edging up and it's becoming an issue. Because we've shown brand and store loyalty, we're about to get a free 50 lb bag of food (which doesn't last that long when your dog weighs over double that) but after that we've decided to switch. Fortunately, our store loyalty is paying off as the owner is going to walk us through other, less expensive options that we can feel confident about. I'm also planning to bake another big batch of dog biscuits when the weather cools off (we have no AC, so it's an issue).
  
• Meat... Finally, we managed to find space for our upright freezer in the town house (we can't have it in the garage because of power issues) and have been restocking it. Our favorite old-style butcher has good prices on antibiotic and hormone-free local meats as well as freebies and bulk discounts. But they're way across town, so we've been consolidating our errands out there and stocking up when we go. That means freezing small portions of deli meats and the like.
• ...and beer (that's two food groups right there). After some discussion and research, we've come up with a way to get brewing again in our new place. Temperature and space are issues, but we think we've figured it out. That means quality beer at a fraction of the price and in nifty blue grolsch bottles.
  
• Lunch money. When our little one started school, we figured she could just eat in the cafeteria. But the choices weren't all that healthy and, while the price was good (like $2.10 a day), we knew we could do better with homemade lunches. But we did splurge on a nice container set with an ice pack insert, an insulated lunch box, reusable plastic drink boxes (much cheaper than the store bought ones), and a hot lunch/drink thermos. So she enjoys her lunch from home whether hot or cold and we don't have to worry about stuff getting "funky."
  

The above items about all about food and groceries. In addition, we've been tweaking the way we drive in order to save fuel. We weren't going to make a big dent here. We're already a one-car family, and our car is paid for and meets our needs well. But we made a few tweaks:

• Magic school bus. We had originally anticipated needing to drive our little girl to kindergarten, but she surprised us by happily jumping on the school bus from day one. Yay for her!
• Not-so-magic commuter bus. I was already busing to work daily since our move. Before, I was close enough to bike in and save even more, but that's not as feasible now (believe me, I tried it). I did arrange to buy bus passes pre-tax through work, which saves a bit. And I walk a half a mile to save about $.40 cents each way on bus fare. Frankly, I need the exercise anyway and it's actually faster to walk than it is catch the other bus and make a transfer.
• The big errand issue. With gas as high as it is, even cross-town trips can have a real cost. We discovered that driving to the butcher's cost us almost $10 round-trip -- and it's not that far away. So we've been trying to consolidate errands and trips where we can.

So, some thrifty changes to help us keep our budget under control and deal with real inflation without going completely cheap. It's always a balancing act, but when you look past your habits and regular patterns, it's possible to find some room to wiggle.

Some Budget Lessons for August

I keep a monthly budget. And I'm always willing to make changes as necessary. There were a few critical lessons that I learned in August that I thought I might share:

1. If you want regular savings to be truly invisible, don't list it in the budget. Instead, just have the money auto withdrawn and reduce your income by the same amount. Out of sight, out of mind.

2. Watch those minus signs! Crediting a bill instead of debiting it is bad news (ouch!).

3. Don't start the month off in the negative. Just because last month got all screwed up and you needed to pull from the emergency fund (is bad math an emergency?) doesn't mean you should screw yourself this month too by starting out in the hole. Instead, acknowledge the problem and regroup at a more reasonable pace.

4. Remind yourself of the amount of time it took to get to this point. Years, right? If it takes the same amount of time to get back to your starting point, you are doing OK. Bonus points for getting there faster, but negative points for beating yourself up.

5. Staring at the budget and thinking "fuck we are so broke" is stupid. Even if it's true. Stop it!

Traits of the Prosperous Household

My Keys to Prosperity posts are all about the components necessary to experience prosperity. The start of a prosperity "how to" list really. But there's another way to view prosperity -- by looking at the characteristics of something you already know or sense to be prosperous.

It's often easy to identify some organization or entity as prosperous, but less easy to figure out WHY. Kind of a prosperity version of Justice Stewart's famous definition of pornography: "I'll know it when I see it." However if you're interested in recreating prosperity (if not pornography), it helps to get a sense of the traits that prosperous things have. Whether they are the causes of that prosperity or the result, emulating them might just be a technique for getting closer to that result yourself.

I don't have a very good idea of what a prosperous business or farm looks like, but I think I can identify traits common to a prosperous household. By household I mean a group of people who live under the same roof and who act together as a unit as well as the place where these people live.

A prosperous household is:

• Clean. While a house doesn't have to be OCD spotless or magazine perfect, I expect that a prosperous household will be sanitary. First of all, filth and dirt breed bacteria that can make members of the household sick. Health being a key to prosperity, it makes sense that the prosperous house will be squalor free. Second, cleanliness indicates that the residents of the household care about it. When the people in a household work together to keep both themselves and the place clean, it demonstrates a commitment to the household itself.
  
  Possible to do items: Create a cleaning schedule. Buy more efficient cleaning supplies. Identify and practice habits that keep things clean (coasters and doormats!).
  
  
• Organized. Again, there's a difference between "workably neat" and "Martha Stewart." The latter isn't required. But if you find yourself wasting time looking for lost items, buying duplicates of things you can't find, stumbling over clutter, and feeling overwhelmed by crap, how are you going to foster prosperity? In addition, if there's more than one person in the household, they need to coordinate organization together.
  
  Possible to do items: Eliminate unnecessary clutter. Find or purchase appropriate storage. Create and communicate "everything in its place" locations (coat racks and key hooks).
  
  
• Functional. Above all, a household must work for its members. Work and play must be supported. Space should be effectively utilized. Tasks and goals should be sustained. A perfect and beautiful formal dining room that gets used once a year is the antithesis of prosperity. That you can afford the extra square footage might say something about you, but as space is one of the household budget's biggest expenses (whether that be rent, mortgage, parking, or storage costs) what it says might not be flattering. Whereas the same dining room, messier but better loved and used for hobbies, homework, game night, or regular meals, is the epitome of prosperity. The members of the household should be able to define their functional needs and implement systems and spaces that support them, while also crediting the needs of other members.
  
  Possible to do items: Reassign room usage. Create individual work spaces. Obtain appropriate furnishings.
  
  
• Rhythmic. That sounds odd, but what I mean is that the prosperous household fosters a certain regularity of operation. There's always food in the house. No one is ever out of clean underwear (hey, these are goals to strive for). There's a sense that things happen in right order and at their right time. From large-scale cycles like putting up storm windows each October and stocking up at farmers markets through summer to small-scale cycles like making sure household members get their coffee and breakfasts each morning. Members of the household are in the habit of doing work to keep the household running. And the household in turn supports the regular tasks people need to do with the right tools and layout. In addition, there must be a sense of ownership of regular tasks so that the members know what they personally need to do to keep things running.
  
  Possible to do items: Create a yearly household maintenance chart. Purchase tools and supplies. Identify and assign regular chores.
  
  
• Flexible. A prosperous household is going to be able to adjust to whatever life throws at it. That means that the members must be flexible as the environment and situation change over time. Everyone must have a willingness to try new things in order to maintain a standard of prosperity. In rough times, household sacrifice might be necessary and when times are good innovation can improve prosperity significantly.
  
  Possible to do items: Support training opportunities. Communicate household status. Brainstorm small business ideas.
  
  
• Thrifty. The prosperous household won't tolerate excessive waste. The contents are well-cared for and properly maintained. Excess is eliminated or effectively handled. Members of the household cultivate the skills necessary to make best use of assets. As much as is practical, the household strives for a sense of sustainability and independence. The members work together to meet the household's needs and seek out the best options for doing so.
  
  Possible to do items: Create a meal plan to use leftover and reduce kitchen waste. Learn to fix and mend items that need maintenance. Shop around for the best option.
  
  
• Welcoming. No household is an island (except for this one) and making the household part of the wider community is critical to prosperity. It's ironic that some of the most beautiful and beautifully kept houses are the least welcoming. A prosperous household is ready to connect with neighbors and always welcomes friends. There's a necessarily generosity associated with prosperity to keep connections strong.
  
  Possible to do items: Host a neighborhood barbecue. Start a reading group. Invite friends to a movie night.
  

So, how does your household measure up? I can already identify areas where we are doing well and ones where we need to do some work. Since my family is pretty domestic, our household is the center of our lives. We want it to be as prosperous as possible.

Key to Prosperity -- Introspection

I've never been very good at long-term goal setting. It seems like every time we try to articulate our goals, we end up in such a different situation that those goals no longer mean anything. Recently, I discovered another way of setting goals that seems to work better for me. But still, this is an area where I struggle.

Yet over and over I've read that it's incredibly difficult to put your financial life in order without having some goals to strive for. This is where introspection comes in. Because goal setting is often about doing. But knowing yourself well is about being. You might have goals that you know you need to meet in order to be more prosperous (like paying off debt). However prosperity is about being able to lead the kind of life you want. And that's much more dependent on what it is that you want, than what it is that you do.

So while obviously you have to set goals in order to reach them, beyond that, you have to know who you are and what you want to even set the right goals. Otherwise you run the risk of meeting your goals and then discovering they don't give you the kind of life you want.

I remember reading (but can't for the life of me remember where) that there are only two kinds of problems. One, you know what you want but haven't achieved it. Two, you don't know what you want. Clearly, you have to know what you want before you can get rolling -- and that's there introspection comes in.

Many people understand the value of being introspective, but I think that there are some common misperceptions about how to effectively introspect. We are a heavily navel-gazing society, with huge self help and self examination industries and yet we're still lost and confused.

Introspection isn't about making yourself feel important. A lot of people use introspection as a vehicle for elevating their own problems / issues / successes into high drama and criticality. Your stuff isn't any more critical than anyone else's stuff... except to you. And even then, if you look within so closely that you make mountains out of your little molehills, you won't end up benefiting. Don't get so myopic that you lose the larger picture.

Introspection isn't about dwelling on your problems, feeling sorry for yourself, or (above all) beating yourself up. If you sit down to examine yourself and start cataloging every bad choice you've ever made, STOP. You're doing it wrong. If it turns into a pity party about how bad everything is now, STOP. That's the opposite of helping.

At the same time, introspection isn't about pumping up your ego with your wonderfulness. Affirmations are useful, but telling yourself how great you are doesn't help you figure out who you are. Announce your affirmations to the universe, but let your own mind/heart/soul speak for itself.

Introspection is a value neutral exercise. It's not about dictating or about judging. It's about listening, honestly and objectively, to yourself. People with faith often talk about that "still small voice." They call it the voice of God's guidance. That's useful, but you don't have to go that far to realize that if you listen to the whispers inside you, you can learn an awful lot about yourself. Whether that information comes from God or your own subconscious isn't relevant here. The point is that you listen.

What kinds of things can you learn? You can learn what you need and what you really want. You can learn about what makes you happy and content. About what uplifts you and what struggles you find worth taking on. What your priorities and real values are. Who you really are (good or bad) right now. From this knowledge you can set useful goals, both material -- I want a home of my own -- and non-material (emotional, spiritual, pick your term) -- I want to be more generous.

It is at this point, once you really know yourself, that you can then makes changes in who you are and how you life. Without knowing yourself, you can't know what goals to set. Without clear goals, you will find it much harder to create the kind of life you want. So if prosperity is what you desire, you must discover what that means to you so you can define the goals to achieve it.

Useful Quotes on introspection:

It is by our innate wisdom that we enlighten ourselves, and even the extraneous help and instruction of a pious and learned friend would be of no use so long as one is deluded by false doctrines and erroneous views. As we introspect our minds with Prajna, all erroneous views will disappear of themselves, and just as soon as we realise Essence of Mind we will immediately arrive at the Buddha stage. When we use Prajna for introspection we are illuminated within and without and are in position to know our own nature. To realise our own nature is to obtain fundamental liberation.
A Buddhist Bible, First Edition, Dwight Goddard 1932

Our most important study is our own mind, not only the intellectual mind but the spiritual mind. "Know thyself" was inscribed on the temple of Apollo at Delphi; and it must be inscribed on our own temple, "over" the door of our mind. "Know thyself." We must become acquainted with our own mind.
Keep a True Lent, by Charles Fillmore, 1953

And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
King James Bible, I Kings 19:11-12

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of mankind is Man.
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,
With too much weakness for the Stoic’s pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest,
In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast,
In doubt his mind or body to prefer;
Born but to die, and reasoning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such
Whether he thinks too little or too much:
Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;
Still by himself abused, or disabused;
Created half to rise and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled;
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!
Alexander Pope (1688–1744), British poet. An Essay on Man (Fr. Epistle II). . .

THE IMAGE

 Water on the mountain:
 The image of OBSTRUCTION.
 Thus the superior man turns his attention to himself
 And molds his character.

Difficulties and obstructions throw a man back upon himself. While the
inferior man seeks to put the blame on other persons, bewailing his fate, the
superior man seeks the error within himself, and through this introspection
the external obstacle becomes for him an occasion for inner enrichment and
education.

I Ching Hexagram 39. Chien / Obstruction

Prosperity Consciousness?

I recently read Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life by Larry Winget. This book is pretty much my perfect "self-help" type book (I think I'd do a review soon) and there's lots of great food for my brain.

But one comment he made really struck me. He mentioned "poverty consciousness" and "prosperity consciousness." These are terms I've never heard before, but that perfectly encapsulate something I've been wrestling with in regard to my own search for prosperity.

Are we prosperous because of external measures such as income, spending, debt? Or are we prosperous because we think we are. Certainly the first is accurate. You can't very well claim prosperity if the bills aren't getting paid. On the other hand, an appreciation of what you already have is a key component of prosperity. When you understand that you don't need a lot of stuff, you gain the twin benefits of both feeling prosperous with what you have right now as well as saving money by not buying the things you don't miss.

Winget points out that a prosperity consciousness not only makes you feel better about what you already have, but ends up actually getting you more. That is, focusing on how poor you are will tend to keep you poor while focusing on prosperity will help you be more prosperous. I'd like to point out that he also puts a heavy weight on action -- he makes no claim that simply thinking about what you want will bring it to you. Still, your focus is a critical component of taking the right action.

Here then is my challenge: How can I place the necessary attention on improving our prosperity without feeling poor in the process and thereby undermining our own goals?

I Will Not be Frugal

In my seminal post, Frugal Sucks!, I outlined the negative connotations that the word "frugal" brings to my mind. I know not everyone has such strong reaction to the term, but from the state personal finances and debt in the US, I think many people do. Yet what we do instead (mindless consuming, borrowing, spending) is driving us to the brink of both financial and spiritual ruin.

I've made a personal commitment not to be frugal, but instead to be prosperous and thrifty. But what are the differences? Here's my list of the DON'Ts of negative frugality, along with my concurrent DOs of prosperity and thrift:

• Deprivation -- being frugal means you are deprived of things.
  
  Prosperity means that you define deprivation based on your own sustainability and happiness... not the definitions provided my glossy magazines or television. Only you can decide what is really enough, but you are allowed to enjoy those things that bring you lasting pleasure.
  
  Being thrifty means you choose the option that's the best intersection of price AND quality and you care for it and make it last. One $20 shirt is better than four $5 shirts and I know myself well enough to know that 3 hours in a thrift store looking for a nice $1 shirt will NOT make me happy. And frozen burritos may be cheaper than fresh fruit, but my health will pay in the long run.
  

• Missed opportunity -- frugal means you miss out on things you want to do because those things cost too much money.
  
  Prosperity means that you can assign value to experience just as to material goods. And each person must decide for themselves which experiences have value. It also means having a lifestyle that affords the ability to take advantage of new experience when it arises. That means sustainability as well as fiscal responsibility.
  
  A thrifty viewpoint however realizes that some of the best experiences cost very little (a little gas, a small fee, a bit of time) and are still well worth exploring.
  
  
• Selfishness -- frugality is all about looking out only for number one, preparing for your own future and letting others fend for themselves.
  
  Prosperity takes a broader view. Having a prosperous household or business means living in a prosperous community, which means helping others. Plus giving has value in and of itself and brings rewards both monetary and spiritual.
  
  Thrift realizes that while prudent spending and saving is critical, in the end you leave this world as you arrived: naked and empty-handed. Leaving a legacy is a chance to give prosperity to those you care about most.
  
  
• Tedium -- frugal means always doing the same thing because it's cheap and just what you do. Experimenting costs money because, hey, what if you mess up!?
  
  Prosperity admits the constancy of change. While it's a good idea to stockpile when there's a surplus, it's also the time to try new things because failure is more tolerable. Then, if or when the tide turns, you will be well prepared to change with the shifting currents.
  
  Being thrifty doesn't mean you never make mistakes, and failure is simply practice for success. Embracing new things in a moderate way is a great method way of supporting positive change. You don't have to invest every resource to learn from your mistakes and enjoy your successes.
  
  
• Lack of choices -- if you are frugal, you can only do the cheapest thing. Each choice closes off every other choice and you can't ever change it.
  
  Prosperity affords you options. Your good planning can be used to open doors and, because change is always occurring, new options will soon present themselves. It's OK to make a more expensive choice, or a higher risk one, as long as you do it with full awareness.
  
  And thrift means living simply so that the occasional poor choice isn't the end of the world.
  
  
• Deferred living -- work and scrimp today so that you can enjoy tomorrow... except tomorrow never seems to come until you're too old to enjoy it.
  
  Prosperity means nothing today if you don't plan for tomorrow. It's a sustainable and ongoing process for enjoying the present and the future. Each day could be your last... but it's also the first day of the rest of your life. Live as if both these things were true.
  
  Thrift cautions us to be moderate, neither sacrificing today for the future nor hocking our future for the pleasures of today.
  
  
• No room to dream or grow -- dreams cost money. Trying stuff out costs money. Failure costs money. Best to just stick to what you know will bring you money. Risk is bad!
  
  Prosperity is about a life that has room for making dreams comes true. Dreams don't cost money. Dreams are free to everyone who dares to dream them. Making dreams come true may come with a cost, but like any choice or good or service, the cost might be well worth the reward. Giving yourself permission to be prosperous means you can give yourself permission to dream.
  
  And the thrifty lifestyle? Without a lot of burden and clutter, life can be a place where there's room for dreaming, trying, failing, and -- we hope -- succeeding.

Can You Be Prosperous Alone?

One of the most powerful things I've read this year is this Cracked.com article "7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making you Miserable." Despite the common (x) reasons (something something) blog format, it's engagingly written and covers an important topic. I'd recommend you go read it. Really. I'll wait. In fact, let's both go read it and meet back here in a few minutes...

See, told you it was good.

It was this article that started me wondering -- can you really be prosperous alone?

Now there are a whole lot of people in this world who think they know how other people should live. People who are perfectly willing to tell you that you can't be happy or successful unless you are straight/married/single/sexually liberated/a parent/child free/close to your family/independent/go to X church/an atheist/love your neighbor/hate the enemy -- and so forth. I don't agree that there's only one way to live or one way to be happy. I think that, if you are not actively hurting others with your choices, you can live any way you like.

Yet there's no doubt that we're social animals. We need other people around for emotional and economic health. Even if we don't like them, we still need them. I believe, and research supports, that having a social circle makes people happier. And when it comes to financial success, others are absolutely necessary. Throw three or more people in a group together and, as soon as they get their basic survival needs met, they will create an economy. You live in an economy right now and, good or bad, you end up being a participant. I say being an ACTIVE participant and cultivating relationships is a critical component of prosperity. Here are some particular groups to think about.

Coworkers
One area where I've always excelled is in my career. I'm good at finding and keeping work as well as improving my job lot over time. In my time I've worked in several different roles for a bunch of different employers in a host of varied industries. So I can tell you from experience that getting work is often a matter of who you know (particularly when starting out) but keeping work is ALWAYS a matter of who you know. In any job with a social component (I suppose none of this advice applies if you work in a fire watch tower) the connections you make with the people there are critical to your success. If you just go in and do your thing while avoiding interaction and communication, I don't suspect you'll be there long. Since for most of us our job is a critical contributor to our prosperity, this is a major issue.

So chat with your coworkers. You don't have to be best friends. You don't have to talk about sensitive subjects (politics, religion, etc.). But you really do need create connections to the people you work with. People who bring other people up are more likely to get praise and reward. People who bring other people down are roundly ignored and should be censured. And people who blend in the woodwork will miss out altogether.

Friends
A second critical area (one that I need to work on) is your circle of friends. Not only do good friends contribute to our emotional well-being, they also contribute to our prosperity... just as we do to theirs. When you have people you can lean on in times of trouble (and who, naturally, can lean on you) it makes your life more sustainable. From a great job lead to help moving to emotional support when you need it, our friends help us get through rough times. And as I've suggested, it's the tough times that really put a burden on our ability to get through life. Plus if you need a favor and don't have anyone to ask, you end up paying a stranger to do that favor for you.

If calling friends out as contributing to prosperity seems cold, remember that you contribute to your friends' prosperity as well -- or at least you should. And despite all the well-known benefits, there are many people who have almost zero friends.

How to make friends:

1) find some people
2) be nice to them
3) stay in contact

Although you'll do better with people who you have something in common with, that can be as banal as "they live on our block." I'm actually much better at number 2 (at least I hope my existing friends will think so) than numbers 1 and 3. Naturally you should feel that these people are applying the same steps to you (being nice and staying in touch -- otherwise return to step one and keep looking). And remember: friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.

Family
Another component is your family. This is a tricky one. Your family is made up both of people you choose (like your partner) and people you get stuck with. And, while it'd be awesome if all families were wonderful, we know that's sometimes not the case. Still, people can often rely on family the way they can't rely on a friend. Even if your family is completely adopted later in life, it's nice to have people who you can be totally open with and who will help you in any situation.

A generation or so ago, it seemed that most people lived within an extended family group. But this has changed. Part of it is increased mobility, but another component seems to be some kind of rift that has developed between generations. I don't completely understand this, but I have experienced it -- to my great sadness. Still, I'm happy to say that I have a BRILLIANT immediate family and some wonderful friends-who-have-become-family. I don't know what my life would be without them, but I'm pretty sure it would be a lot harder.

If you have a good family, it's worth keeping in touch and keeping your connections strong.

Associates and Acquaintances
These people don't have a specific stake in your prosperity and you probably don't in theirs, but they are the people you do business or interact with in the course of your daily life. It's a good idea to have pleasant relationships with these people. This group includes merchants you frequently deal with, service professionals that you have an ongoing relationship with, and officials you encounter regularly.

You don't have to make these people into great friends, but you should have a friendly interaction. For example, I'm kind and friendly with the security staff in the building where I work. And I know the maintenance guys at our town home complex by name. I don't have to be nice to these people; I could just ignore them. I choose to take a more active role in connecting with them and therefore when there's a problem, they already know me. This makes dealing with things much easier.

When we can claim a web of connections in the community where we live, it means we can also claim a place in that community. The constant and complex interactions within this community help ensure our prosperity by both direct and indirect means. And all this in addition to the other benefits that these connections confer in terms of happiness and emotional security.